Are you being micromanced? The dating trend you didn't know you were stuck in

Modern dating is already a rollercoaster, but just when you thought you had a handle on it, here comes another twist — micromancing. It’s not ghosting, not breadcrumbing, but somewhere in between. You know that person who keeps popping up in your DMs just when you’re about to forget about them? 

The one who gives you just enough attention to stay relevant but never enough to actually commit? That’s micromancing. It’s like getting a free trial of a relationship —  no option to subscribe. Frustrating, right?

What is micromancing?

Micromancing is the soft launch of romance. It's when someone will send flirty texts, initiate deep conversations late at night, or get you amped up in the comments of your Instagram posts but never fully act.  They send a heart-eye emoji one minute, and then disappear the next. It's as if they like the idea of being with you but just not enough to formalize anything. 

Micromancing is not ghosting but it keeps you in a loop of ‘maybe’ and let's face it, maybe is exhausting. Do you agree?

How to spot a micromancer (Credit: Freepik)

How to spot a micromancer?

Micromancers show up in a way that keeps you on your toes.  Here’s how to spot one:

- They’re inconsistent. They might go weeks without contacting you, and then out of nowhere you get a “Hey stranger” text checking to see if you’re still interested. 

- Even though they never respond to your text messages, they are always the first to watch your stories and react to your posts. 

- They make vague promises too. ‘We should totally hang out sometime,’ or ‘I miss  you’are things that micromancers say but never make it happen. 

- If they are flirting, it’s just enough to keep your interest but they’re never actually interested in having a relationship. Everything they do is deliberate to keep you interested, but always at a distance. 

Break free from micromance. (Credit: Freepik)

Breaking free from micormancing

Tired of the mental gymnastics? Here’s how to escape the micromancing maze:

- Call it like it is: If they’re sending mixed signals, trust your gut. This isn’t a rom-com.
- Demand clarity: Ask them straight up what they want. If they dodge the convo, you have your answer.
- Stop playing the game: No more replying to random “what’s up” texts at 2 AM.
- Set boundaries: If they can’t commit, they don’t deserve your time.
- Know your worth: The right person will match your energy, not make you question it.

  While micromancing may be enjoyable for them, it is exhausting for you. A genuine relationship will never leave you guessing; it should make you feel safe, valued, and, above all, chosen. So, if someone is only feeding you crumbs in your relationship, stop having a snack and remind yourself that you deserve the whole meal.